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Momwriters' KD McIntosh Memorial Awards

Given annually in recognition of those who give unselfishly to help others learn the craft of writing.

{2005 winner}

{2004 winner} {2003 winner} {2002 winner}

{2001 winner} {2000 winner}

Kd and I met as writers. We didn't write the same things, but we discovered shared attitudes. Life was to be embraced totally -- the 'good,' the 'bad,' the 'beautiful,' the 'ugly' -- and lived on our own terms. And all of life's parts were fodder for our minds to think about, our fingers to write about.

Over the few years we knew each other, we came to be friends. After a while, part of almost every day was spent writing to Kd, reading what she wrote to me or talking together on the phone. Most days included at least a few joint sillinesses. We reached a point where no subject was out of bounds. Many friendships fit the old saying that we're friends with parts of each other. Kd and I became friends of the whole.

She was the ultimate Internet person -- using it for nearly all her contact with others. E-mail, chat, Web sites, newsletters, mailing lists -- and she participated with gusto. I love the Internet, but sometimes I need to shut everything down and be alone with my dog for a day or two or three. Kd never needed that sort of aloneness.

We learned from each other, encouraged each other, laughed together, cried together, prayed together. That togetherness changed drastically when she died.

She sent me a beautiful candleholder after my two canaries died. This lovely gift holds two tapers in the fenceposts at either end of it. The fence between is perch for three brightly-colored songbirds. Two are clearly a pair, and the other sits separately, watching. Her note said, "At long last, the song/lovebirds. The extra one is my spirit always with you. Kd."

There is another candleholder where I kept a candle burning for her when she was ill. Both are in my office. The tea-light candles burn atop my manuscript cabinet, and the songbirds live on my desk. Kd is always with me, but I am no longer with her.

She always had time for people. Even after cancer had claimed her body and made clear it wasn't going to give that body back to her, she spent much of her time helping other writers, sharing what she had learned or dug out during her Internet explorations. She liked encouraging young writers -- whether they were young in years or young in experience. She had patience some of us lack.

She also had a gift of seeing through the fluff to the crux of a situation. This is part of what made her such a good editor.

What I remember most, though, are her strength and her good humor. She wasn't a saint. Human to the core, with a quick wit, a good mind, obstinate, funny, many-layered, available, she was a friend to treasure and enjoy, to spend time with, to bounce things off of -- personal, business, writing, men, children, computers, sagging spirits, soaring spirits, anything at all.

I miss her.

She left me her newsletters, a wealth of memories and a collection of people who were friends of hers, some of whom I'm coming to know. New friends don't replace old ones, but they enrich the life that does, after all, go on.

Will I ever be the generous, kind, witty, strong, available, courageous Kd? Of course not, but I may be a better person for the time spent with her. Would I have the grace to live every moment until my body gave out completely, seldom complaining? I have no idea. I hope I never find out. But her example wasn't wasted. I'll look for opportunities to practice grace. I'm extraordinarily grateful to be alive. To have reasonably good health. To get out and about when I want to. To stay home because I want to, not because I have to.

I'm blessed to have been Kd's friend. I hope to pass that blessing along. That's what I see as the greatest legacy she left to all of us who knew her -- an example of friendship with grace.

copyright © 2000, Chas Ridley

More Memories of Kd

Momwriters' KD McIntosh Memorial Awards

Given annually in recognition of those who give unselfishly to help others learn the craft of writing.

{2005 winner}

{2004 winner} {2003 winner} {2002 winner}

{2001 winner} {2000 winner}

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